Sunday, May 1, 2011

You know you're a grown woman when......

My Aunt says that life just begins a forty.  I am finally starting to understand what she means.  Since my 40th birthday I have cut off all my hair, let go of someone that I love, started writing my book, preparing my son to go off to college, began a new self-care regime, working on my own emotional healing and developing a new outlook on life.  
Each day I feel like I am going through a re-birthing and re-shaping process. This is not an easy process. However, every day I feel like I am evolving into a new and different phase in my life.  Each day I am challenged but I am learning to feel more, listen more, learn more-- but respond less, worry less and react less.  
Last night I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Look at me, I am finally a grown "A" woman." Being grown has far less to do with age than I thought in the past.  However, the blessing of age is experience; experience brings wisdom; and wisdom brings better choices.  
Below I decided to write this blog and share my personal short list of "How I came to realize that  I have finally become a grown woman."  Read, reflect and enjoy.
You know you're a grown woman...When your compliments to self mean more to you than the compliments from others. 
You know you're a grown woman ....When you rather buy a quality $250 (or more) purse than buy 10 purses for $25 in different colors.
You know you're a grown woman ... When the bartender asks you for an I.D. and you are no longer flattered by the request.... instead you are offended.happy  
You know you're a grown woman...When there is NOTHING cute in the cheap clothing stores.
You know you're a grown woman ... When you look in the mirror and you look like a well taken care of and put together 40 year old and NOT a hanging-on-a-thread middle aged woman trying to hold-on to her style and same look as in her 20's.
You know you're a grown woman ...When during intimacy you no longer "fake the funk" with your partner but instead you give explicit instructions and sometimes....hands-on lessons.
You know you're a grown woman ...When your bra and good panties are the most important and valued items in your wardrobe.
You know you're a grown woman ...When at any given moment you can find a comb, bottle of lotion, safety pin, aspirin, hand sanitizer, perfume, tissue, phone charger and bible (or journal) in your purse.
You know you're a grown woman ...When someone doesn't pay you back the $20 they owe you and instead of being angry you feel relieved..knowing this is a very cheap price to "cut them off" for future asks.
You know you're a grown woman ...When you finally like your ex's wife or girlfriend more than you actually like your ex.
You know you're a grown woman ...When you no longer act out of guilt and a "sense of obligation" but you actually say NO to things that you don't want to do.
You know you're a grown woman...When you refuse to buy that $300 dress because it's not practical but NOT because you don't have the money.
You know you're a grown woman...When you consider massages, facials and pedicures as part of your health care plan.
You know you're a grown woman...When you inform your employer that regardless of budget cuts you will only stay in hotels rated 3.5 stars or better......And you don't share rooms with co-workers!!!
You know you're a grown woman...When you run into one of your old flings (that you were crazy about back in the day) and you can hardly remember his name.
You know you're a grown woman...When admitting that you were wrong feels liberating instead of debilitating....and that being wrong is not "the end of the world." 
You know you're a grown woman...When you get a late night booty-call from an ex and you listen quietly and then burst into hysterical laughter or start ministering to him with the scriptures.
You know you're a grown woman...When you stop looking for love and finally let God set you up in an arranged marriage with his choice of man. 
You know you're a grown woman...When you look in the mirror and finally fully accept and unconditionally love the person looking back at you.  
This is my simple list.  Please share your list of  “How do you know when you have become a grown woman!”  Live, love and enjoy life!  heartheartheart


Anonymous said...

Love it! I have a few more years before I'm 40 but so with you...Thanks for sharing & looking forward to read more!!

Lolitha Terry said...

Tosha I love it. I'm glad that I took the time to visit your blog. I just turned 42 and this hit home for me. Thank you and continue to write and I'll continue to visit this page.

Sherry Trenee said...

Thanks for visiting and introducing me to your blog, it's GREAT. I will most definitely return on a regular basis and encourage others to do the same.

Well spoken and well said you are right on target. I am over 40 and I would never want to go back to being 20 again. There are entirely too many life lessons to learn and very little self freedom, but you don't realize this until you turn 40.

Keep up the excellent work.

Jamie Goldberg said...

Wow, you are getting a lot more followers on the blog! Amazing. Forty is a liberating age, and I think that it just gets better with every year. It sounds like you are gaining in wisdom, confidence, and peace with every passing day. Treasure this time in your life, build upon it, and keep sharing your beautiful writing and your wisdom. With this blog you are fulfilling part of your mission in life.

Kristen Harris said...

Well Im only 30 but according to your list, Im about 97.5% grown! :-) Very nice post; thanks for sharing!

AfroTina said...

loved this!!! I am saving it!

###### said...

I think all of this is so right. I enjoyed reading each of them. Thanks for sharing.

Ndygo Sunshyne said...

I'm creeping up on 40 & LOVING the journey. I love this list because I'm beginning to arrive at some of this. My older sister is 2 years older than me & always sending me her sisterly wisdom about what to expect in the next phase.
It's great that you're sharing because many of us tend to hold this stuff too close & don't help one another through shared truths.

Michael Renee said...

Again, I love it! My list looks much like yours. I would add: I know I'm a grown "A" woman because since my father died I make all the hard decisions without discussing it with him first.

Carolyn said...

I love it. I just turned 30 and feel the need to start we assessing my life according to your list.

Bonita said...

I also love your list. As a women over 40, I wanted to add "I Know I am a Grown A Women when I no longer judge a good man by the amount of cash, cars and clothes that he has but instead by the compassion he has in his heart and how he cares for his family and community.

mimi said...

Im only 20 but im looking for ways to better myself so i can help others around me, thank you for this, its a blessing as well as a confirmation. Much appreciated