Pushing Past Fear

I WAS AFRAID! Fear gripped me by the throat, set root in my heart and would not let me go. A few weeks ago my home was burglarized and severely ransacked on all three levels.

My sacred spaces were invaded and vandalized   from top to bottom.  I felt violated and vulnerable because all of my personal belongings had been rummaged through by absolute strangers.  It felt as if my safety or comfort had been forever compromised.

Ironically, I accidentally caught the thieves in my home during the process of the robbery.  Upon returning from my Wednesday night bible study I saw one of the robbers tearing up my personal office as I drove into my garage.  This image in itself gave me an unsettling and vulnerable feeling in my spirit.

Many times in my life I have felt fear, however this incident seemed to shake me at the core of my being.  Unfortunately, this fear continued to linger for days and seemed to grow larger and larger each passing moment.  For more than a week, I hardly slept and found myself night after night tossing and turning.  I even began getting up throughout the night to investigate any small noises or any random sound in or around my home. 

I don't think that I realized how much the fear impacted my health until one morning I woke up with the entire right side of my body (from head to toe) in pain and stiff as a board.  I was hurting so bad that I  scheduled an appointment with my chiropractor for an emergency visit.

After examining my posture and spine, my chiropractor asked me what had I been doing differently that cause my back to get so out of alignment and my muscles so inflammed. I explained to him I had actually changed my sleep position in the bed so that I could 1.) hear if any intruder entered my home and 2) grab a weapon located near my bed to assail an intruder within a moment's notice. Suddenly, I  was always on guard.

Fear had interrupted my life...

Fear had stolen my security....
Fear had disrupted my peace...

Fear had disturbed my sleep...

Fear had me constantly on guard and unable to wind down either awake or during rest.... 

And now FEAR was starting to impact my health and quality of life! 

Unfortunately, by the end of the week the "fear" had grown so big that I along with my roommate left my house to sleep on the couch of a friend. I actually RAN AWAY from my own home. 

I am a single head of household and most of my close friends are married with courageous men helping to protect their homes; therefore  I felt at a major disadvantage and extremely vulnerable.  After the robbery my nerves were constantly on edge.

On one particular night my laptop computer was out of its' usual place and I became so fearful that I almost ran out of my house.  However, I called a girlfriend and she sent her husband and boys over to walk through my home and property. Because of the growing "fear" my life had become a living hell!

For days I cried out to God, "Lord, I just can't do this alone.  How am I suppose to protect my home and family from strange men all by myself? Lord, will you not send me my husband, a partner or some help?"

In an effort to re-establish some feeling of security, I decided to move back home once my security system was completely restored. However, on the scheduled repair date the home security company called me to cancel and pushed the repair date back 4 WHOLE days.  What was I to do now? Did I have to stay on someone's else's couch and/or get a room for the next 4 days? How could I feel safe? Didn't I need a man in the house? Lord, now what???

I was about to head towards a local hotel to check-in and work through this dilemma when I heard a voice in my spirit.  The voice gently asked me, "What are you afraid of?"  I knew exactly what I was afraid of but before I could answer or respond I heard the question poised a second time,"What are you afraid of?"  This time I knew that a surface answer would not be sufficient. I had to go deeper and really think about what I was afraid of and why I was afraid.

Just as God would have it I immediately reflected in my mind of His word and a saying of Jesus Christ found in Matthew 6:25-27~  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

Amazingly, the fear that had tortured me since the robbery left at that precise moment just as quickly as it had arrived.  Just the reflection and meditation on those (5) five words spoken by Christ, "Do not worry about your life.." changed my entire spirit and safety outlook. Fear was forced to flee!

The more I reflected and repeated God's word over and over again the more powerful and authoritative I felt.  I then turned my car around and headed straight for my home.

Up until that point I thought I would never feel safe in my home again unless I was protected by either 1.) a man, 2.) a gun and/or 3.) some fancy security system.  However, at that very special moment while riding in my car God taught me that He alone is perfectly capable of protecting me.  

 I Have Learned 5  special"Characteristics of Fear"

1.) Fear is like an imaginary monster.  It will take up shop and residence in your mind and continue to grow and grow and grow as long as you feed it a healthy meal of doubt, negative thoughts, and the illusion of being separated from God's love.

2.) Fear is like an unhealthy or poisonous meal. Fear will actually make you physically sick if you digest or absorb it in your mind, body and spirit. Fear is unhealthy.

3.) Fear overtime will become a personality or constant companion. However, if you speak God's word aloud to the fear and command it to leave...it MUST obey!

4.) Fear is like a bully. That is why running from fear does not solve the problem. You have to put up your dukes, face fear head-on and claim your peace with authority. You must be willing to fight through the thoughts. Half the battle is showing up for the fight; your Daddy will do the rest.

5.) Fear is like a illusionary magic trick.  I once saw on a bumper sticker that Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. This is so true.  Fear can NEVER  trump the love of GOD! For there is nothing separates us from the love of God.

God teaches us in His word that we are to fear NO ONE but God.  I think I finally came to understand that there is no man that is courageous enough, no weapon strong enough or no circumstance great enough that can protect me more than my Father GOD!

NOW Psalm 27 has a radically new meaning for me  
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;

Of whom shall I be afraid?...