The Great Hair Offense

Today was an extremely traumatic day for me.  I went to the beauty shop to get a trim and I left the shop with the length of my hair being less than two inches long.   I was devastated!

Over the past few months I have noticed that my full, thick and lovely locks of hair have been shedding and breaking off by the handfuls.  I have always prided myself in having very kinky, thick and long hair but now I was facing the hair graveyard because of emotional stress, hair care neglect, harsh product experimentation, and the continual use of excessive heat.  All of these things finally pushed my (usually strong) kinky hair beyond her health limits.

My stylist explained that she would have to "trim my hair" substantially to get it back at a healthy state. I hesitantly agreed to move ahead with the hair care plan.  However, the moment she began to cut off my damaged tresses I began to feel a flood of emotions.

I wanted to yell, "Stop, please don't cut off my hair!" But I remained silent because I knew it was time for a cut.  She saw my distressed look and asked, "Are you okay?  Do you need some time before I go ahead with the cut?" I courageously looked her in the eyes and said, "No, it's okay. I am ready.  It's just hard for me to let it go but I know that it is time."

Then I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Why have you been holding on to this damaged hair? Why is it so hard for you to let go? How did you let your hair get in this condition?"  

I was also hit with a revelation that in many ways I demonstrated that same laissez faire behavior in other areas in my life. More specifically, for the past year I have been working so much that I haven't been taking the time to handle my personal business.  Plus, unfortunately I have taken many of my personal gifts and attributes for granted.

As the stylist cut off my damaged tresses; a thousand thoughts flooded my mind.

snip...snip..."What if your hair doesn't grow back?  You know that you are getting older. Who will find you attractive?"

snip...snip... "Don't you know that a woman's hair is her glory? Didn't Samson in the bible lose his strength this way?"

snip...snip..."Don't you remember that the men in your life use to love your BIG hair? Remember.... when "he" use to love you and your hair."

Before the first lock of hair could even hit the floor the tears began to flow and the questions swirling in my head quickly transitioned into statements of doubt.

sniff...sniff... "I'm not pretty without my big hair. I need my hair to feel attractive.  My hair is my security."

sniff..sniff..."I was totally neglectful to the things that I loved and that's why they are gone.  I am being punished. "

sniff...sniff... "Hold on a minute...Is she REALLY going to charge me $200 for this??!!! My hair looks a hot MESS. "

On the surface level, it seemed like the emotional flood was only about my hair.  But I realized that my hair also told a story about who I have allowed myself to become.  My hair made a statement today.  Somewhere along my journey I became distracted from my self-care journey.

• I use to be the sister that regardless of what hair style phase I was in at the time I made sure that the perm was touched up every 4 weeks, the kinky twists were done every two months and my hair was always well moisturized and "greased-up". 

Perhaps my hair condition is symbolizing  and offering a few life lessons:

Lesson #1   It's time to let damaged goods go in my life if it takes away from my overall health.  Damaged hair, damaged feelings, damaged relationships and damaged people.....

Lesson #2   It's important to give myself a healthy start and commit to self-care.  Whether that consists of scheduling consistent trips to the hair saloon, going to the doctor, getting massages, exercising, taking my vitamins, etc.  As the bible says, "You can't put new wine in old wine skins."

Lesson #3  It's important to make the time to take care of my personal needs.  This may mean taking an extra 20 minutes to lotion my body thoroughly after a shower, 15 extra minutes before bedtime for a nightly facial, 30 additional minutes in the morning for meditation, and 30 extra minutes of prayer.  I can give myself 2 hours a day.

Well, the one positive thing about today's traumatic hair experience is that I have shifted and adjusted my attitude.  LESSON LEARNED: It's important to take care of the things that you love.  I love my hair so I am committed to taking care of it from this point forward.  

Let me go now and find my silk hair bonnet....Good Night!

All My Sisterfriends Are Superheros

Well I guess the word is out...I can no longer keep it a secret that ALL of my sister friends are in fact--Superheros! Therefore, I must publicly acknowledge that I too am a member of a prestigious, phenomenal, justice loving, take-care-of-business, open society of diverse freedom fighters better known as Black Women.

I have personally witnessed the special abilities of these women to jump (in a single bound) over 5 flights of stairs to prevent a baby from falling, take care of 3 generations of family members simultaneously on one income, single handedly raise children with little to no financial support, give unconditional love to the unlovable, create businesses with only a wish and prayer, win legal cases that were considered "un-winnable", resuscitate and revive the spirits of husbands, lovers and friends, and encourage black children to believe in their greatness in the midst of negative environments and circumstances.    

These humble women have kept their personal superpowers a secret to avoid the extra attention and scrutiny. They disguise themselves as everyday workers, homekeepers, leaders, wives, mothers, daughters and friends but the TRUTH is that they each are far from being anything average.  These modern day (s)heros have extraordinary listening abilities, prophetic gifts, unceasing prayer skills, amazing healing powers, supernatural emotional strength, unlimited courage, built-in-human GPS navigation systems and the mastery of communication.  Additionally, they all have a special ability to multi-task; plus extra sensory perception that allows them to feel when their love ones are going "through something" even hundreds of miles away from home.

As part of the sisterhood,  I am bound not to reveal the identities of my super sister friends without permission. Therefore, in an effort to protect the privacy of the innocent I will only share the Superhero alter-ego names of a special group of my friends known as the Fantastic Five. 

#1. Tanzanite: As her name suggests she is a rare and indestructible gem.  She is remarkably strong, incredibly thoughtful, and amazingly dependable. She is highly communicative, extremely smart and a natural born leader. Her mission is to help 'Nspire and green the planet.

SUPERPOWERS:

Voice Mobilization Power: She can inspire, encourage and move hundreds of people to action with her voice.

Quantam Transport: She can travel across the globe faster than the speed of light.  She has been spotted in 36 states and 13 different countries.  This sister is always on the move while doing something positive.

Last Sighting: She was last spotted at Twist in Buckhead with an uniquely handsome Haitian man and later that evening overheard planning for an upcoming Delta homecoming reunion.

WEAKNESS: Red Velvet Cake and Undependable people

#2. The Lioness: She's fierce, protective, imaginative and thoughtful. She is also remarkably strong and incredibly intuitive. She protects all the members of her pride with the fierceness of a lion(ess). She conquers new territory, discovers new lands, protects the weak, and organizes the strong and willing.  

SUPERPOWERS:  

Charismatic Magnetism : She attracts, wields and yields many forms of power. She is able to draw powerful people and resources to her pride through her magnetic personality, striking beauty and gift of charisma.  

Universal Energy Connector: She connects people and energy sources through her unique ability to mesmerize, negotiate, and persuade.   She has a strong intuitive ability to be decisive and is bold and daring in her leadership.

Last Sighting: She was last spotted riding in a super clean black corvette in Fayette county with  her "Lion" super hero and life partner. She was also spotted closing million dollar deals to help the poor areas in the City.  It was also reported that she once fearlessly stopped an "offender of justice" from closing down a local fire station through direct action. 

WEAKNESS: Anything ANTI-orange

#3. Knowledge Cypher:  This sexy heroine is the original protector and keeper of all Hip Hop knowledge and history. She's fiery, creative, outspoken and artistic.  She has an exceptional ability to give power to words and maintains a repertoire of thousands of movies, musicals and hip hop lyrics.  She has a special craft with language, superb intellectual abilities and is a natural born leader. 

SUPERPOWERS:  

Word Master: She can write and speak words that can make you scream, laugh, cry, smile, think, or break-out-in praise. She can equally throw some cut-to-the-bone choice words that will make you cover your ears, seek professional ego repair or call your mama for a hug.   

Exceptional Memory: At the drop of a hat this heroine can recall every musical note, beat and rhythm of musical greats like Miles Davis, Biggie Smalls, A Tribe Called Quest, Louis Armstrong, Erykah Badu, Nina Simone and Mary J. Blige. 
Last Sighting: She was last spotted at an art sanctuary in Philly and later that evening publicly reciting For Colored Girls That Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Was Enuf.

WEAKNESS: Booty Music disguised as Hip-Hop

#4. Madame Le Magnifique:  Magnificence is her formal name but this super heroine is the ultimate woman of mystique. She has the voice of an angel, the fierceness of a warrior, the ingenuity of a genius, and the cleverness of a black panther. She is not only a "Queen of the Talented" but she seeks out and mentors upcoming ladies-in-training for the Princess Kingdom Circle.  She has a sense of humor, serves as a gatherer of gifts and a outstanding nurturer.

SUPERPOWERS: 

Power of Persuasion: She has the gift to persuade people to operate at their highest level.  However, she doesn't take well to con-artists and game players.  She has been known to stop her adversaries in their tracks through an uncanny use of language, a unwavering gift of courage and (it's been reported ) that she is also a master in hand-to-hand combat. 

Gift of Song: As a songtress, this heroine has the special ability to calm distressed hearts, revive broken spirits and bring joy to those that listen to her sing.  
Last Sighting: She was last spotted in Tuscaloosa, Alabama recruiting potential super heroines to attend pre-Queen training. She was also later seen setting up a celluar phone business.

WEAKNESS: Untruthful people and bad customer service

#5.The Lightbearer:  This remarkable heroine serves as a bearer of light to help humanity connect to "the way". She is a wisdom seeker, truth speaker and devoted follower of the source of all life. She's compassionate to all (wo)mankind and a renowned caretaker of future black male generations of the world. She has superior intellectual abilities. She also has multiple gifts of foresight, insight, prophetic abilities, creativity and intuitiveness. She is a giver, a healer,  a lover and has the best legal mind in the universe. 

SUPERPOWERS:  

Extraordinary Wisdom: Like an ancient spiritual sage, she has the gift of insight.  She has been bestowed the special gift of wisdom from her Creator and is heavily anchored in her pursuit of truth, peace and justice.    

Creative Power: She is a visionary and has the supernatural power to speak words of healing, encouragement and the extraordinary ability to turn ideas into creative expressions and artforms. 
Last Sighting: She was last spotted with super hero "Profesor Black Liberation" and three beautiful male children on the way to a baseball field in southwest Atlanta. 

WEAKNESS: Uninformed medical professionals and zumba exercise tapes

I am confident that you know someone like these special friends of mine.  It's very likely you may actually know one of the Fantastic Five personally. You have probably talked with and walked by these inconspicuous (s)heros in supermarkets, school assemblies, boardrooms, church services, night clubs, courthouses, parks and/or concert halls.  Amazingly, there are thousands of sisters just like them out there!  This is just the tip of the iceberg in my own personal sister friend circles.

Most importantly, rest assured that the forces of evil are on notice and know that the world is a safer and better place because of these praying, praising, standing-in-the-gap and fighting-for-what-is-right women (s)heros. Now you know why I LOVE my Super Sisterfriends

(Stay tuned for future unveilings of more of my super-friends including the Fiery Four, the Sensational Six and the Talented Ten.) 

Peace, Love and Justice!

How Much Is Your Birthright Worth?

Tonight as I was admonishing (my 18 year old hard-headed son) I was reminded of the story of Essau in the bible. At first, I really didn't really understand why this particular story came to my spirit (given the particular circumstance) however as I began to recall the story I was blessed with several nuggets of wisdom. 

Although this is not my traditional "love post" I decided to write about this subject on my blogpost for two reasons: 1.) I needed an outlet to write something TONIGHT that would help me work off some steam to keep me from choking my"beloved" child!  2.) I wanted to share my new revelation and interpretation of what lessons this story can teach us about love. Perhaps the story will be helpful to you as it has been to me. 

If you are familiar with the bible story you may recall that Essau was the son of patriarch Isaac and the older twin brother of Jacob.  Essau was actually the first born son of Isaac and because of Jewish custom he was to receive the birthright of double his share of inheritance. However, one day after working in the fields Essau returned hungry and sold his birthright to his younger brother Jacob for a bowl of stew!

I never found this story particularly relevant to my life, however tonight after reading it to my son I received three (3) nuggets of wisdom that I would like to share below.

Wisdom Nugget #1:  Know and Appreciate the Value of Your Birthright 

In the context of the Essau/Jacob biblical story the birthright was referred to customary birthrights in Jewish culture bestowed to the first born son.  Webster dictionary defines  birthright as a "right or privilege that you are entitled to at birth."  For me there is a long list of God given inalienable rights that I feel are entitled to all human beings.  I think we often take for granted some of our basic God given gifts of love, peace, health, peace and happiness.  Sometimes we sell our "right to happiness" and peace for a steady check from a job that we actually HATE.  Sometimes we trade our "right to experience true love" for a dysfunctional relationship due to a fear of being alone. Oftentimes we even GIVE away our "right to a healthy and full life" for bad eating habits, quick food fixes, and harsh unhealthy lifestyles.  

Wisdom Nugget #2: Be Anxious for Nothing

This is self explanatory.  Essau's need for immediate relief is what led to a long-term irreversible mistake.  I really believe that anytime we are anxious for something it is perhaps our sub-conscious mind telling us that there is some type of fear or uncertainty lurking around. This can be a warning sign or a simple message to get our emotions in check.
  

I don't necessarily think that anxiousness automatically means something isn't for us but I do believe it is God's message of telling us to slow down, chill out and take a step back.  As my grandmother use to say, "What God has for you it is for you." If that statement is true then whatever things, people, and/or opportunities that are meant for you will manifest and should bring a sense of peace and purpose not a sense of anxiousness.  In fact, when you feel anxious that may be the Holy Spirit's way of telling you to release the process and surrender to God.
     

Wisdom Nugget #4: Lead By Your Spirit Not Your Flesh

Essau's desire to fulfill his fleshy hunger ultimately changed the course of his life and his name in history.  Essau made a decision based on his flesh. Because of this very simple mistake we now know Jacob as the third patriarch of the children of Israel, not Essau. Isn't that amazing?  One can say that all Essau was trying to do is harmlessly get something to eat to stop his hunger.  However, Essau was so over powered by his fleshy need for immediate relief that he was unable to see the true value of his birthright gift.  He was indifferent to the consequences of giving the birthright away and unwilling to explore other ways to meet his OWN  immediate needs.  Essau had access to the same ingredients to make a pot of stew.  Was he too lazy, too tired, too greedy to make himself something to eat? We don't know the reason why Essau made this choice but we all know the outcome. How many times in our own lives have we made rash decisions based on our fleshly desires instead of "centering ourselves" to listen to our spirit?  

Lesson Learned:

Although Essau was freely given the "birthright gift" it was his lack of value for the gift, his desire for immediate relief and his inability to make a decision beyond his fleshy desire that led to his incredible lost.  The take away lesson for me is that we all must know and appreciate all of our God given birthrights on this earth.  It is our responsibility to protect, nurture and maintain the gift(s) of health, wellness, peace, freedom, friendship, companionship, creativity, liberty, justice, and love.

What does this have to do with love? 

Everything. 

A Random Love Musing #1

Sometimes a song can best express feelings, emotions, and/or love thoughts.  Recently, I was moved and touched by a song recorded by Marsha Ambrosius (formerly of Floetry).  She has just released a beautiful album that is a musical exploration of the many different facets of love.  I posted the lyrics of the song below in dedication to all the "lovers in transition" that are learning how to let go of someone they truly love.......

Far Away recorded by Marsha Ambrosius

So sad to see you go so soon 
I know that you ain't coming back 
In the beginning everything was cool 
Toward the end of it all it's all bad 
I know I played my part in making it what it is 
And I know that you did the same 
I guess I'm up outta here 
I'm moving on again 
I'm sure that you will understand 
I play by the rules 
You play by the game 
I couldn't of stayed 
It's easier to say 
Cause I was by your side 
When you went through the pain 
I guess it doesn't matter now that you're so far away 

And every minute you're gone 
I'm missing you so 
I can't believe that you're far away 
Can't get you out of my mind 
Boy you're out of my life 
And it would be different 
If you could hear me baby 
Now that you're so far away 
Didn't want you to go babe, babe 

Ooh tear stains on my pillow 
Tryna forget ya 
Don't know what I'm gonna do 
More days and counting 
I've been laying and staring 
Myself in the mirror 
All alone in my room 
I can't feel this way again 
Gonna think with my head
Cause my heart is what got me here 

So hurt from what you've done 
More than enough reasons for me to move on 
'Cause I gave you my word 
You put your trust in me 
Supposed to be the one to give you what you need 
I was by your side 
When we were meant to be 
Guess it doesn't matter now that you're so 

Far away 

And every minute you're gone 
I'm missing you so 
I can't believe that you're far away 
Can't get you out of my mind 
Boy you're out of my life 
And it would be different 
If you could hear me baby 
Now that you're so far away 
Yeah... 

40 Days of Love

Today is Ash Wednesday.  This means it is exactly 40 days before the Easter Holiday weekend.  Many people use the season of lent to give up bad habits, vices, fleshy pleasures and/or certain behaviors.  It wasn't until I went out to a restaurant this evening to eat in New Orleans that I was reminded of the significance of Ash Wednesday. I watched the entire wait staff walk around with ashes smeared on their foreheads and at first I thought to myself, "Why are these people walking around looking like someone put out a cigarette butt on their face? What's the purpose of doing something like that?"  Then I realized that there is spiritual power when we demonstrate courage to move out of our comfort zone for self-growth and expression.  Oftentimes I think we get so caught up in our physical being that we  neglect to focus and find ways to strengthen our spirit.  

Therefore, I have decided this lent season that I will give myself the gift of love. I have committed to give up being so critical of myself and learn how to love myself unconditionally.  For the next 40 days, I am going to celebrate Jesus' love for humanity by learning how to better love and accept myself.  As Jesus taught, I will learn how to love the God within.  

Why do I need to learn how to love myself? The year of 2009 was a very hard year for me.  Emotionally, I battled for over 18 months with feelings of rejection and unworthiness.  I felt rejected in my romantic relationship, within my career field, by my father and even by some of my own immediate family members.  The worst part of it all wasn't how rejected I felt by others. The worst pain actually resulted from me feeling an internal sense of "perpetual unworthiness" and "self-rejection".  I made it through that difficult year and finally in 2010 I felt much better.  However, I still struggled emotionally from the residue of years of feeling rejected, unloved and unimportant by people that were very dear to my heart. 

Most of my life I have desperately wanted someone to constantly tell me or help me feel like I was good enough.  The problem is that it's impossible for anyone to meet that requirement.  Only God can fill that space and heal that type of pain. Wisdom has taught me that "worthiness" is more of a value judgement that we unfortunately place on ourselves resulting from pain, fear, unresolved childhood issues or loneliness.  In the scripture it says that after creation (Genesis 1:31) , "God saw everything He had made, and behold, it was very good."  The simple  answer is ...All that God has made is good because it is of God. Our very nature as part of creation is good.

Well it's finally March 2011 and my resolution for this year has been to live my life "on earth as it is in heaven".  It is hard to ever truly experience the unconditional love of another when you are struggling with loving yourself unconditionally.  Like most of us, I am oftentimes much kinder, gentler, more understanding and quicker to forgive others than myself. By far, I am oftentimes my worst and harshest critic.  Matter of fact, although I think I am a great friend to others I have at times been a terrible friend to myself.  But for the next 40 days I will do everything in my power to celebrate the God in me and to practice "me loving me" unconditionally!

Below are a few simple practices that I am going to adopt for the next 40 days:

Video Journal Messages To Myself

I've got this great new computer with a built in camera and iMovie software.  For the next 40 days, I am committed to making short video messages to myself.  I will talk about the positive things that I like about my life and about who I am. Sometimes you have to encourage yourself!

Embrace My Mistakes 

I absolutely hate to make mistakes.  I have become so fearful in the past to make a mistake that the fear has paralyzed me from making a decision.  As I get older I realize that the problem isn't in making a mistake but it is not owning up and accepting the consequences.  Mistakes can either paralyze one from taking action or it can motivate one to act in a more strategic way.  I have decided to embrace my mistakes and see them as opportunities to grow.

Dedicate 2 hours for Self-Healing

A female African-American psychologist told me that she believes that the most revolutionary thing that a black woman can do is commit time to her own healing and self-development. Therefore every week I am going to take at least 2 hours to focus on my healing through self-love and nurturing.  This may mean counseling, meditation, massage therapy, self-pampering,etc.  

Immerse Myself in the Beauty of Nature

There is a medical philosophy called Earthing that suggests that because we are all made up of energy centers that the more we directly connect to physical nature the more balanced our personal energy.   The concept suggests that we seek as many opportunities to directly touch the earth.   I know that this sounds a little California Woo-Woo but I know it works.  I feel so much better and grounded when I walk barefoot on the beach or plant flowers in fresh soil. There is something powerful in connecting directly to the earth.

Seek New Experiences

If you keep doing things the same way you will get the same results.  I desire different results in my life so I am committed to doing something different.  I don't like to date, however I desire meeting new suitors. It's my goal to make myself more available and accessible to meeting new people.

Express My Passions

There are some things and activities that I am simply passionate about in  life.  Like beautiful art, independent music, jazz concerts, botanical gardens, NBA games, theatre, wine tastings, etc.  For the last year I have filled all of my time with work.  I am committed to actively seeking out the activities that I am passionate about doing.

Well this is my Lent Season list.  I hope that you will also reflect on how you can connect to a greater experience of God's love during the Lent season. Remember love starts from within but moves throughout the universe! Love is in YOU!

Peace, Blessings and Love!  

   

Black Love Renaissance Part 2: Loving Black Men

I absolutely LOVE black men. As part of my Black Love Renaissance series I decided to share my thoughts on my blog about what "exactly" I love about the Brothers. There is something that is so beautiful, so sexy, so seductive, so interesting, so comforting, and so enjoyable about being in the presence and/or company of a good black man. Unfortunately, we are constantly bombarded with negative images of our men in the media.  But we know the real deal. 

I know sisters that are so "jaded" from former bad relationships that they've given up hope and aren't able to recognize the overall goodness in our men. Usually I try not to engage in those discussions. However, I must admit that "I too" have been caught up in the midst of anger and shared my own "choice words" about the brothers. But even in my most frustrating moments...I have never stopped loving and/or admiring our men. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THE "BROS". 

I decided to make a quick list of 7 different types of black men that I admire....  

The Thinker

Sisters, is there anything sexier than watching a brother read a book or engage in great discussions and intellectual conversations with you?  I wish they knew how much that is a TURN ON!!! Whew! Personally, I love brothers that see themselves as learners as well as teachers.  There is simply nothing better than having a man who is consciously aware of the conditions in our community and passionate enough to do something about it. A "true thinker" is constantly evolving and growing.  I think this type of man has the fortitude to value the opinions and thoughts of his woman without feeling intimidated or insecure within himself.

The Athlete

How about those biceps along with a six pack? Black athletes are incredibly SEXY.  Somebody please bring me a glass of ice water!!! What I like most about an athletic brother is his drive to win. I LOVE A WINNER!  But what I find even sexier is a man that can take a loss as a lesson to shift, adjust and do better the next time.  Athletes are trained on how to take a loss and get back at it again.  They usually can handle defeat without feeling defeated.  

The Warrior/Protector

Back in the day it bothered me that my boyfriend seemed unfazed by watching violent movies.  I really couldn't understand why men seemed to be unfazed by violent movies. Was it socialization or instinct? Why were men wired so differently?  Well I have learned to appreciate that attribute in a man that will "protect first and ask questions later."  Perhaps God has equipped our male counterparts with a higher tolerance for violence to serve as a protection mechanism.  I don't know the answer but I do know that I certainly feel protected around a brother. Testosterone certainly makes a difference! 

The Worshipper

My prayer for companionship is, "God please give me a praying man that is after your own heart."  When I see a man that openly worships and honors God then I know that this Brother understands real power. A man that loves God will certainly know how to cherish and love God's gift to him.  "The prayers of the righteous man availeth much."  

The Comedian

Laughter is the quickest way to my heart.  I so appreciate a man that doesn't take life too seriously. It feels good when a man makes you smile! I love   having the company of a man with a great sense of humor, beautiful smile, and hearty laugh.  

The Lover

Lover of knowledge...

Lover of life...

Lover of greatness...

Lover of touch...

Lover of justice...

Lover of ideas...

Lover of music...

Lover of truth...

Lover of intimacy!

The Artist

Well...y'all know that I HAD to find some way to put Prince in the mix. It's the royal purple one. That's my BABY!!!(smile) 

"i feel 4 you, i think i love you...."

"i wanna be your lover.."

" how come you don't call me anymore.." 

What is it that you LOVE about black men????

New Year's Resolution

Greetings Friends,


Happy New Year!  I promised myself that I was going to post to my blog more consistently in 2011.  It is my goal to post a new blog article each month.  Well...unfortunately I have waited to the very last minute to post something for January 2011.  But this year my goal is to honor my own personal commitments. 


I pray that each you will be blessed to receive the desires of your heart(s).  Stay tune for some new upcoming posts about love and relationships.  Love is a beautiful thing!


Peace and Blessings,
LaTosha